But today... as much as I hate to admit it! but today I think I know the answer. Before having this conversation today, my mind started to wander (as it often does) while driving into work and this particular conversation on our purpose in life and finding happiness does a repeat broadcast in my head. The conversation revovled around finding happiness and the purpose of our life once certain milestones or targets in life has been achieved. The question of "What's Next" was the key point in the conversation. All this as a result of simply spending one weekend at home and realizing that though the time alone and finally having a weekend at home...but it was just not enough. There was still something missing. At first, we brushed it aside by justifying that we're probably adrenaline pumped due to the crazy work week where deadlines were due and we barely had time to take a piss and the sudden fall of activity on the weekend was just a bit of a shock to the system but when we looked further in, there was some truth to the conversation of "what's next? what is the purpose of our life"?
Again! I hate to admit it but he was right... What is next? I've been trying so hard to force myself to deny that the next step in life is possibly finding a partner to share my days with. But being the rebel that I am and trying hard to not be the norm, I question, again and again... why does it have to be about having a life partner? What is wrong with spending your life alone as an independent women, being happy with your life, traveling, leading life by your own rules, having fun and simply enjoying life and the freedom. But the word ALONE & SINGLE two simple words in the english language but creates such complex in one's life.
Do we really want to lead and live out the rest of our lives alone and single? Are we going to be happy with all the freedom, the travels, the parties, the various men (and or women!) and everthing else when we're all wrinkled and living out the last days of our lives? What do we look back too? Who are we to share our lives with? Stories, experiences... I guess it is nice to have someone to care for and care for you back. The rebel in me is still fighting to come out and deny all this... "Who needs this"? "Why should I risk a broken heart"? But then... what would life be if we played it safe all the time?
So maybe it is time for me to succumb to the instituion of regular thought! The school of marriage and a family. It's an inner demon that I have to fight with myself... I say I ain't ready, but then... maybe I am but it's because I'm so busy fighting with myself that I just don't realize it.
Is it really the purpose of life? We are born, we grow up, we grow our first tooth, we walk and we fall. We go to school, fall in love for the first time, have our first heartbreak, finish school, head out to university and start a somewhat independent life, party the night away, drink our livers, experiment with drugs, cigarettes, sex and then we work. What's next? Our days are spent at work, friends, parents, gym.. but for how long? For some who are more ambitious.. work is life, but when you're done at the end of the day, what's next? Is life such a monotony? You climb the corporate ladder but what's next? As my friend says... materials goods can give you happiness all for but a moment... so what kind of happiness do we seek for our lifetime? What is our purpose?
