The Jiwang Feeling

Today, is one of them days when I'm feeling a tad bit jiwang. Maybe it's because I am missing someone deeply.... But! who is it that I'm missing? I'm not quite sure myself but it's just this feeling that you have deep down inside, it's like a missing link. 

It's generally been a no weekend, weekend for me. What it means that it's just been work, work and more work but I ain't complaining. I still managed to fit in my sessions at the gym and the occasional chat with friends. But yet, today seems to be an odd day for me. 


From listening to Jim Brickman, Lionel Richie and now my collection of Back to Love Bossa Moments. I still have a presentation to complete but I can't rid this feeling that I have. 


Isn't it weird that sometimes we have this nagging feeling deep down in our gut, we cant' put our fingers to it, but we know that something's up. It vary's from a bad feeling to just an unexplainable feeling. Some call it our intuition, others just refer you just being overly anxious. So tell me, what do you do when you have such a feeling of loneliness?


This feeling, this unexplainable feeling... it doesn't care if you're married, single, with family and surrounded by friends and loved ones. It still has a way of creeping up toward you and taking you hostage. Some last a couple of hours, while others it can last a few days. So again I ask this question, what do you do? 

Listen to your collection of I tunes and sing your heart out? Or do you just lay in bed and let your mind wander and dream? I'll tell you what I would like to do in situations like these. I would like to pick up a book, play jazz music in the background and have a cup of coffee while reading my book. Immersing my self in my book, going into my alternate reality and eventually falling asleep and hoping that when I wake up the next morning, this feeling will be replaced and I'm back to my silly, goofy and bubbly form. What else can one hope for?

Attempted Murder... at the gym! Day 1

Today was session number 4 at the gym! I was at the gym yesterday too and had a rather good workout for almost an hour and a half. Today though, I wasn't on such top form. 

Woke up this morning, excited and motivated to head to the gym and begin my 14 day experiment. But when I got to the gym, I find that it was day one of my periods (did I just see you squirm?!) and wondered if I should go home or continue. I decided to continue and went on the treadmill to warm up with a nagging reminder to constantly check my alignment. Wean (my trainer) comes to me and I ask him if we could vary our training today as I'm worried of leakage and the sweet man that he is, he says " ok.. don't worry Juwen (don't laugh! that's how he calls me!) we won't do abs and running, we take it slow"... Boy was I excited at the word slow! But boy I tell you... I was in for a surprise. 


We went from treadmill to squats to leg press to shoulders to biceps and to more squats... with dumbells, weight balls, resistance machine, jumping jacks, stepper and finally on the treadmill again! 1 hour 20 minutes later, I was drenched and ready to scream murder! 


Breakfast was a bowl of Nestle Fitness Cereal and Low Fat High Calcium Milk and lunch was RICE (I had to have rice) with tofu, vege, mushrooms, and chicken breast pieces....For tea it'll be an apple (green organic) and dinner will be 2 slices of whole wheat bread, half a can of tuna in water and a plum and just before I go to bed, I'm just gonna have a warm glass of water. 


Oh Lord! I pray for strength and dicpline for the next 13 days!

A Mission to a Healthier Me!

After a 6 month hiatus from the gym, I woke up one morning 2 weeks ago and decided to pack my bag ( my gym bag that is!) and get my big heavy ass to the gym. So I got ready in the morning, got in my car with the intention of heading to the gym. About 8 km from the gym (15 km from home) I realized that I didn't have my gym shoes! So instead I headed to work. But on the way back, I had this nagging thought and forced myself to call my previous trainer and make an appointment for the next day. Yes! I had a trainer previously. Exactly a year ago I went to the gym and decided to get myself a personal trainer. I needed someone to guide me and push me. Efforts were rather fruitless in the begining as I never really watched my food, but after making a life changing decision early this year of quitting my job, I had more time for the gym and also stayed away from Fast Food (which was my staple diet previously). I saw the results. I had lost 8 kilos... I was feeling healthier and felt good. 

So now I'm back after putting on 6 kilos!! I'm back with my trainer (who I must say looks damm good now after loosing some 20 kilos!) and motivated . It felt rather odd at at the same time familiar, walking back into the gym. I remembered how much I actually enjoyed being there and how much I missed working out. 

Of course, I've had to take a trainer again and pay a bomb for it. But I blame no one but myself for being a lazy ass bum! If only I had continued I wouldn't have needed to start from scratch again. Well, it is a lesson learnt. A painfull lesson I might add. First day back at the gym, it was as though my trainer was determined to punish me! He pushed and he pushed. I left the gym 2 hours later, exhausted and about to collapse but feeling refreshed. Body ached but that was nothing compared to waking up the next morning! 

First of all, I could barely get out of bed, rolling over was also such an effort and painful! Walking to the toilet was the most torturous thing that I had to endure and when I finally made it to the toilet, I COULD NOT SIT ON THE POTTY!! My thighs, my calves, my abs, my toes.. they all hurt. So there I was... in the toilet for a good 3 minutes, trying to figure out how in the world do I put my bum down! It was such a feat! Well, that conquered, eventually, it came to brushing my teeth... one word "OUCH"! That wasn't the end of it... I went to work and seeing that my office is on the first floor and we have no lift... It took me 5 minutes just to walk up the stairs...I was hoping sympathy but all I got was laughs *sobs*.. but I told myself... "serves you right Gwen"!! 

Well, 4 PT sessions down the road, I'm still sore the next day after each workout. But also know that there is a reason why they say "no pain, no gain"

So here I am, Gwen Lewis on Friday, 6 November weighing........(did you really think I was gonna tell you my weight??!!! Fat hopes!!) promise to work out at least 4 times a week and begin a journey on being my own biggest loser! 

a name is just a name, a rose by any other name is still a rose....

Juliet speaking:

What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.
~ Shakespeare , Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II

This will make some of you squirm and you men, may blush a little, but I find that I need to think out loud on this one. I'm not talking about a rose or any other flower for that matter, but instead, I'm talking about Periods! Y'know... the eicky, gooey, annoying (to some relief) thing that women have to go through for a good 30 to 40 years of their life. Ok! Ok! some of you aren't comfortable with that word, so what shall we call it?? Let's see there's a more professional name to it " menstruation"... then there's the camouflouged name of "Aunty Rose" (who usually come along with Uncle Pain and Aunty Flo(w)), there's also "crimson flow" (doesn't that sound like a movie? I half expect Denzel to come rushing out!) oh and this one amused me heaps! "KETCHUP WEEK"!! That will surely put me off any sort of Ketchup for LIFE! 

But seriously, I mean, it's not something that happens only in Malaysia, in fact I remember reading somewhere that it's a worldwide similarity. Girls/ women all over the universe have some name for it or the other! In fact, i would take a calculated guess and say that only 8 or maybe 10% of women actually use the word Period! Or will say "I got my period today". 5 simple words that somehow struggles to be formed, and when you finally do say it.. you say it as quickly, swallowing half your words and with a blush on your face with hopes the listening party hears you but doesn't hear you at the same time.

So, my question here is.. Why? Why are we so ashamed? Why are we so embarrassed by it? I mean, it's not something uncommon, unusual or freakish it's NORMAL. But for this! I blame society, I blame our parents and our parents parents. Something that would have been taboo 50 years ago isn't taboo anymore today but we are all creatures of habit. What get's passed down is continued to be passed down and the chain just continues on.

And you men out there (and some women)! If you're done squirming in your seats... here's a fact for you! Your mother had her period, your sister has her periods and so does your wife, so face it! It's mother's nature's way of giving us balance, it let's us have babies, it our femininity...so don't squirm, don't run the other way... face it, embrace it!

Here's leaving you with something from an episode of Seinfeld. 

Elaine (munching on a snack, flipping through a magazine.) Oh, Jerry, I just left my old sanitary napkin on the top of the toilet by mistake. Just toss it in the garbage."
 
Jerry: WHAAAA??

Kramer. (hands akimbo) Why are you so upset about a soiled sanitary napkin. The menstrual cycle is women's connection to nature and the life-cycle.

Jerry. It's disgusting! Ask George. He feels the same way.

George: Sorry, Jerry. I am comfortable with Elaine's womanhood.

Elaine: (smirking) He's easy with the period.

Jerry. All I know is I want that thing out of my house or, or, I'm going to call the movers. .